Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
