Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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