I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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