the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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