Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize