But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
