There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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