So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
