That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
