My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Houston, we have a squirter
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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