I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
