The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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