No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
