youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
