party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
