The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
