It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
