her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
