i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
