I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
