My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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