tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
