my sisters under your porch take her home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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