I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
