My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
40s are totally the cure
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
