I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
