no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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