I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize