i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
