im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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