Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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