Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
