What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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