I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
