well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
