My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
