i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize