i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
