you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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