I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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