Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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