I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
