I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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