fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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