i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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