PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
