Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
