What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
