So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
