you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
