i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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