I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
