I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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