Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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